SAHM I AM

After many suggestions I purchased a used copy of SAHM I AM from Amazon; I received it in the mail this afternoon and started reading. I have to say that I like it and I don't. In some ways it makes me feel really bad; I don't like the tension between the moderator and the women in the green eggs and ham sub-group. They explain their reason for staying is to be there for the moderator if/when everything comes crashing down on this women and because you don't leave over a few personality differences. But this woman is so unpleasant and upsetting to me...I wonder if this is because I see some of myself in her, you know like the saying what you dislike the most in others is what you really don't like about yourself.
I have also been having an increadibly fat day...I have been having fat days in general lately but this one seemed a little more hard hitting. As I was reading the book one of the women commented on going to the OB and being told she was ten pounds over her pretwin weight and her cholesterol was bad. I am 30 pounds over my pre-Tyler weight and 20 over my pre-Jackson weight. So I felt even worse after reading about this woman that is a terrible 10 pounds over when I weigh more than my husband. There have been a couple other instances recently that have compounded the fat issue...a child in my CG asked me if I was pregnant on Sunday, and then the next evening a woman from church told me I was beautiful for a large woman. I never thought of myself as a large woman before, but I think perhaps that was my wake up call. I think I may suffer from the opposite of anorexia...I look in the mirror and think "I'm not that fat" but then I see a picture (or some one informs me) and I realize YES I am that fat.
I can't really believe this happened to me, but at the same time I can definately see how this happened. I not only eat everything I want, but I eat a lot of it. Maybe this will be the big drive that gets me to change my eating habits and keep them changed. I was on a "diet" in high school that kept my weight balanced a it was more of a way to live than a diet, but when I got pregnant I thought it was free reign and I never really got it back under control. So here I am wallowing in my fat and depression feeling sorry for myself when I have so much to be thankful for. Doesn't it just feel good to feel bad for yourself sometimes? I just want to have my pitty party, have everyone jump in and tell me how hard it is, and then move on (to a new thinner me).
Well those are my feelings today...hope I didn't put anyone else into a fat day!