New Post!!

Well...It's been since November of last year since I posted on my blogger. I love myspace so much that I neglected my poor blogspot.

I have the time tonight to update since by better half is working on his mood I came downstairs to escape. It has been another one of those days, they seem to be harder and closer together lately. I always thought I had a talent for organization and leadership, but the Lord is begining to show me that perhaps I do not. As I try to work out Tyler's schedule for school and therapy nexy year I am begining to realize just how inadequate my skills are. I can't seem to convice his therapist to work with me on a time that suits us all; which really doesn't matter since I can't find that time anyway. I went from having so much time on my hands with one child to barely being able to relax at home with two.

I want to find the time to do the things I enjoy and get my boys the therapy they need, and I know it could be done if I found someone with a similar schedule to mine. Alas, that is not happening. The therapits wants me to drive down to her even though I am the one paying her and special instruction is a home-based therapy (I'm a little confused about that too). I already have to drive down for speech 1x a week, and could they coincide to both work in this time...? Of course not. I can't seem to find the balance between how much school Tyler needs and how much therapy and then if I need to have him in a typical preschool with typical children.

I want to get him some swimming lessons, but since he's not like the other children teachers often don't understand why he behaves the way he does. He's scared and so he cries and says no and they don't understand why. Hence, they give up on him and let him sit off to the side by himself. I know he needs to learn to work in a typical group setting, but no one wants to give him a chance. The children right now have more grace and understanding then any of the teachers we have worked with.

What does the future hold for a child that doesn't match the mold? Why do people act out so viciously towards someone that doesn't know how to be any different? Why isn't there more love, grace and understanding in our world? Some say it's the people that don't know the Lord, but the people that do are often just as guilty. Sin is sin and the Lord uses what he hates to accomplish what he loves, but why does my sweet little boy need to suffer at the hands of it. So many people float along without much termoil and upset and others are crushed to the ground. How can someones life start out so difficult without the promise of impovement? What facet of God's character is that?

I don't want to be angry with the Lord or harbor resentment, but I don't understand how to love someone who acts out against my child. How can you treat someone so cruelly when they are not at fault for their actions. Tyler doesn't process things like the rest of us or see things like the rest of us or feel things like the rest of us...for that he is persecuted and I can't protect him.

My prayer is for the Lord to change my heart, and make me a advocate for those with special needs. I don't want prayers for my child to be like all the others; I want him to be him, but I want him to be happy.